Copied and pasted here shamelessly from Sakshi's blog. Not a joke, it’s actually true. Cool definitions for sure.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nut house.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.
And the winner is
Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.